Just take my heart
by Cindy aka SG1PhileShipper
Summary: Set right after "Milagro"


JUST TAKE MY HEART  
  
By: Cindy Vandenplas  
Email: cindy.vandenplas@skynet.be  
  
Disclaimer: Why do we have to do that legal stuff anyway? Everybody knows they belong to the Carter gang, his lucky number 1013 and the big guys at the Foxy network. No one is paying me to write this, it's merely for fun. And no infringement is intended. Thank you if you don't sue me, I'm poor anyway.  
Rating: I have no idea. I'll give it a PG13 to be certain. Only lots of angst.  
Category: Post episode:"Milagro". S/A/R  
Keywords: Mulder and Scully UST/MSR  
Summary: Set right after "Milagro". Scully POV  
Author's Note: I haven't seen "Milagro" yet. Sue me, but I'm not from the States. All I have seen is the fabulous end scene on the fantastic website "The x-files haven for the FBI's most unwanted. Go and check out that great site. I hope this will work for you and I hope you'll enjoy reading it.  
Feedback: You don't know how happy I am when I know someone out there actually liked my story. I scream the whole neighborhood awake. So if you like this, it would be nice to drop me a line. Good comments will be cherished forever. I can take flames too, but don't know about cherishing them. :-)  
  
On with the show..........  
  
  
  
JUST TAKE MY HEART  
  
  
I'm awaking in the middle of the night, shivering from the cold air. My nightgown is wet. No wonder I'm shaking like a leaf. I think I have never sweated that much in my entire life. I've just had a nightmare in which Padgett chased me. All I have been thinking of these last few hours is Philip Padgett. They guy who had been spying on me for I don't know how long and who was having sexual fantasies about me. Who could see right through me and knew me better than I know myself. He could read my inner feelings and the way I feel about my partner. No more kidding myself here. Padgett said that agent Scully can't fall in love, because she already is. And he was right. I am in love and not with the easiest person to fall in love with: I'm in love with my partner and my best friend Fox Mulder.  
  
Right after Padgett almost ripped my heart out, I clutched to Mulder like my life depended on it. I held on to him with all the strength left in me. Like a newborn child would hold on to its mother. I didn't recognize him at work and wanted to hit him. But then I touched his cheek and I just knew it was Mulder. My Mulder. Then I think I almost jumped into his arms. He held me tight and rocked me against his chest. I don't know how long I held him, but it had been just fine with me if he had never released me. It felt so good and comfortable to be held by those strong arms of him. When I had stopped crying, he put his arm around me and walked me to my car. He drove me home and offered to stay. I accepted because I didn't feel like being alone.  
  
It's almost three in the morning and I can't sleep anymore. I'm tossing and turning in bed and I feel like crying again. Padgett scared the hell out of me and I have never felt this vulnerable in my entire life. And I hate it to feel weak in front of Mulder. I want him to think of me as a strong and independent woman. But today I have proven him I am not as strong as he thinks I am. Despite being an FBI agent, I have proven I am only a human being. I think Mulder knew that already after he held me on the Pfaster case. And this came so close to home.  
  
I think of everything that has happened to me these past years and I realize that the x-files have taken so much of my life. Life I say, but what kind of life do I have? I live for my job and I ever lost it, I would be crushed. Because it is true, Dana Scully loves her job more than anything. I have given up the hope of a perfect family the day I walked into Fox Mulder's basement office and into his life. That day he became my life and everything I always said I wouldn't be.  
  
I am crying now, unable to hold back my tears anymore. It's all becoming too much and my emotions of the past seven years are coming to the surface: my cancer, my abduction, and the death of my sister.... Everything is coming back to me with the speed of a tornado. I am caught in a current and I feel myself slipping deeper and deeper. I'm fighting against my own emotions as if I have a reason to be scared of them. Maybe I shouldn't hold them back anymore and cry once and for good. Crying is the best cure there is, but I don't want to cry alone. Not anymore. I've done that most part of my life and I've had enough of this loneliness. I want to share my emotions with someone, and I want that someone to be Mulder.  
  
Mulder is standing in the door, leaning against the doorframe. He is looking at me with dark eyes. I know he can't stand seeing me like this. I am still sobbing and Mulder is walking up to me. He sits down on the side of the bed and I feel his gentle touch on my arm. It's his way of comforting me and letting me know he's there for me. He's trying to give me is strength, just like he did when I was in the hospital after my abduction. Back then, I had the strength of his beliefs. And now I believe in his strength. I hope he will be strong enough to get us through this. I'm talking about us, because I feel that Mulder and I are no longer two human beings. We are both a half of one person. Mulder makes me feel whole and complete. Without him, I would be a very lonely person.  
  
I'm sobbing into Mulder's arms again. He has his arms around my waist from behind and my back is against his chest. He's like a cocoon around me, protecting me from the world. I wish I could stay like that. And I know Mulder would hold me like that forever if I asked him to. I love feeling his warmth around me. I love his smell. And mostly of all, I love who he is. He is the man I wanna give my heart to.   
  
  
My tears are stopping and Mulder is still holding me tight. He is rocking me like a child. He stays like that a few more minutes and then I feel him slipping away. He is standing next to my bed and I know he wants to leave me alone. He considers my bedroom to be my privacy. And he doesn't want to invade my privacy. He is not the kind of guy to do so. But this time I want him to. He's turning around and I put my hand on his arm. He's stopping and looking at me. I'm looking back at him and he immediately knows what I want. I want him to stay with me tonight and hold me. I want him to hold me forever.  
  
Mulder enfolds me in his arms and his head rests on top of mine. I'm feeling comfortable and warm. And most of all, I'm feeling home. I just found where my home is and that is here in Mulder's arms. If you have to feel save at home, I know that I have found my little piece of paradise. It's hard to believe, but with Mulder I feel like I'm in heaven.   
  
Mulder's soft breathing and his gentle movements with his thumb on my arm, are lulling me asleep. He's softly mumbling tender words against my hair. Mulder is such a tender and sweet man. If only he wasn't so stubborn at times.  
  
I'm sleeping deeply now and I'm having a wonderful dream about Mulder and me. We are swirling on the dance floor and when the music stops, he kisses me tenderly on the lips. His lips are so soft and warm; I want to feel them on mine forever. Suddenly someone is pulling me back and I'm falling on the cold floor. Padgett is leaning over me. I see Mulder trying to pull him back, but Padgett turns around and knocks Mulder down with a bat. He is bleeding from his head and doesn't move anymore. Padgett takes Mulder's gun and shoots him several times. He is bleeding to death and I'm screaming my lungs out. I'm kicking around, trying to hit Padgett the best I can. I wake up when I hear a loud thud. I'm wet from head to toe and I'm tossing around like mad in my bed. I open my eyes and see Mulder on the floor. He is holding his head and bleeding from his brow. I suddenly realize what I have done: I have kicked Mulder out of bed during my nightmare. I have hit my best friend, because I wanted to get even with Padgett.  
  
Mulder is holding the side of my bed and looking at me. I see angst in his eyes, but mostly of all I can see he's really worried about me. I'm unable to speak, but I turn around in my bed and gently touch his brow. Mulder almost jumps from pain when I gently lay my finger on his wound. He gets up and is sitting on the side of the bed again. I move and put my head against his back.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mulder. I..."  
"It's okay, Scully. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Padgett  
huh?"  
"Yes. I can't close my eyes without seeing him."  
  
Mulder turns around and I feel his gentle hand on my cheek. He smiles sadly at me.  
  
"The scare will go away, Scully. It will be better in a couple of  
days."  
"How will I be able to do my job if I'm so scared..."  
  
I'm crying again and tears are running down my cheeks. Mulder wipes them away with his thumb and pulls me to him. I immediately relax into his embrace and enjoy the sensation of Mulder's hand rubbing my back. He's talking to me and I know that everything will be all right. As long as I'm with Mulder, everything will be fine.  
  
"It's okay, Scully. You won't be that scared for the rest of your   
life. Things will get better soon. I promise."  
  
Mulder kisses me on the forehead and I put my head on his shoulder. We stay like that for a few minutes, before I pull away and look at him. He has blood on the right side of his face and on his sleeve. His wound is still bleeding.  
  
"We need to clean this, Mulder."  
"It's okay, Scully. You go to sleep and I'll do it myself."  
"You can't do it properly on your own. I'm a doctor Mulder and I   
know how that wound has to be cleaned."  
"And I'm a psychologist telling you that you should get some   
sleep."  
  
We smile at each other and I realize that we are both being stubborn. Mulder takes my hand and intertwines our fingers.  
  
"I want you to get better, Scully. That's why you need some   
sleep."  
"You're a sweet man Mulder and I know that you want to take care  
of me, but that wound should be cleaned first. I can sleep   
after."  
"Alright Scully, you just won the game but not the war."  
  
Mulder gets up and offers me his hand. I take it and we walk to the bathroom hand in hand. Mulder sits down on the tub and I take medication out of the cabinet. I clean his wound, put some cream on it and make him a bandage. I softly put it on his brow and he smiles up at me. He gets up and leads me back to my room, his hand on the small of my back. I sit down on the bed and he sits next to me.  
  
"How about some sleep now, Scully?"  
"I'm too scared to close my eyes. I keep seeing Padgett over and   
over again."  
"I'll stay with you as long as you don't kick me out of bed   
again."  
"I'm sorry about that, Mulder. I didn't mean to hurt you."  
"I know you didn't. But I'd really like to know what you were  
dreaming about."  
"I can't tell you, Mulder. It's too personal."  
"Obviously it scared the hell out of you and you would feel   
better if you talked about it."  
"I know, but..."  
"Scully, I don't mean to push you."  
"I..."  
  
I get under the covers and sit with my back against the headboard. Mulder sits next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder. He looks at me and I get goosebumps: His look is so intense and so concerned, that I start to wonder how he feels about me. Mulder loves me, but I don't know if he's in love with me. I know he is worried and that he would protect me with is life if he had to.  
  
"Look Scully, I know how scared you are. And that whatever it was   
you dreamed about was horrible. I don't want to push you into   
anything, but you would feel so much better if you talked about   
it. I want you to know I won't think less of you if you showed   
some emotions. You're the strongest person I have met in my life   
nothing will ever change that."  
  
As Mulder speaks these words something inside me snaps and the words start tumbling out by themselves.  
  
"He killed you this time, Mulder."  
"Me? But how? I mean how did I interfere in your Padgett dream?"  
"I can't explain it Mulder. All I know is that it scared me. He   
knocked you down with a bat and shot you several times in the   
chest. You were bleeding to death and there was nothing I could  
do."  
"I'm sorry, Scully. I didn't know how much Padgett scared you."  
"I didn't know it either until..."  
"Until what?"  
"Never mind."  
  
What could I have told him? That I didn't know how scared I was until I dreamed about the only man I love being killed by Padgett. That I'm having nightmares of losing him in the line of duty. That if I lost him, a part of me would die.  
  
I'm lying down in bed, Mulder next to me. His arms are around my waist and my head is on his shoulder. He is gently caressing my arm and I feel blessed that I have him in my life.  
  
"Thank you, Mulder."  
"What for?"  
"For everything you did for me and all the things you'll do for   
me in the future."  
  
I lay my chin on his chest and our eyes lock. His hand comes behind my head and he pulls me to him. I feel his lips brushing mine for a second and then Mulder pulls back. He looks at me and I can read shock in his eyes:  
  
"I'm sorry, Scully. I..."  
"Don't worry about it."  
"We need to talk."  
"I know we need to. We can do that in the morning. Let's get some   
sleep first."  
  
I cuddle up to Mulder and his soft breathing is taking me to slumber land soon. I sleep peacefully and there is no Padgett to wake me up screaming. I think Mulder's kiss did magic. It was exactly what I needed to get a good night.  
  
I wake up when the sun is shining through my windows and I yawn. I look at Mulder and he has his eyes fixed on me. He is sitting against the headboard and smiles tenderly at me. I crawl up and I can't resist the urge to kiss him. I tenderly brush his lips with mine and he is responding to the kiss. Reluctantly I pull away and sit next to him. He smiles shyly and takes my hand in his.  
  
"Scully, I think we might want to talk now."  
"I don't know where to start."  
"Please Scully, let me. I was going to apologize for kissing you   
last night. But then you'd have to apologize for kissing me in   
morning. I think that would be silly, so I won't. I've wanted to   
kiss you for as long as I can remember, but I was scared you'd  
me. What I'm trying to say..."  
"What took you so long, Mulder?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"Why did you wait so long to kiss me?"  
"I don't know. I guess I was scared I'd lose you if I did."  
"Never, Mulder. You'll never lose me over things like this. I'm   
too scared of losing you. Last night I told you that Padgett   
killed you. It scared me so much, cause I couldn't stand the   
thought of losing you. Padgett wanted to take my heart, but I   
realize that my heart was not enough. He also wanted what was in   
heart. You Mulder, you have always been in my heart and you   
always will."  
  
I take Mulder's hand and put it over my heart. Tears are streaming down his face.  
  
"Scully, are you offering me your heart?"  
"No Mulder, I'm not offering it to you. It's already yours.   
You're a part of my heart."  
  
Mulder takes my hand to his mouth and kisses it tenderly. Then he looks at me with those beautiful hazel eyes of his.  
  
"I love you, Scully."  
"I love you too."  
  
I am crying silent tears and Mulder kisses them away. I feel his mouth on mine, before he looks at me and pulls me into his embrace. I feel warm, safe, calm and mostly of all, I feel home. I have just given my heart to Mulder. And home is where the heart is.  
  
  
  
  
THE END. Hope you liked it and if you did, could you pretty please drop me a line. Thanks for reading. 


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